Broken
by innocent-rebel
Summary: Done from Leo's POV. When waiting is all you can do...Please R&R no flames.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT, chapter titles inspired by Green Angel property of Alice Hoffman.

A/N: Done from Leo's POV, written now I realize for someone.

Chapter 1: This is what I heard.

Something…something was over me…I knew who it was. I had heard the voice before, but at the exact same time it sounded so unfamiliar to me as I turned my head a bit to the side, feeling a sharp sting of pain surround it causing me to hiss out a breath. The voice started again, saying something, trying to sooth me as the feeling of something cold fell against my temple and something….clawed? Some hand raked ever so slightly against my cheek rousing me further.

I tried to look up, to find where I was…all I could was that I was laying down on something soft yet firm and something was over me, keeping me warm, but cool enough to be comfortable. Still my eyes seemed welded shut, I had to force them open even just a crack only to met by what felt like pure blinding light that sent my head spinning. Instantly my eyes slammed shut the little ways they had been opened, letting me savor the shadows for a moment as I tried to think and clear my thoughts.

The voice overhead though was insistent I open them again and remain with them so. Sighing inwardly I forced them open again, inhaling sharply at the pain the light brought with the fiery headache attached to it. Suddenly the voice had an owner as blurry images came in over head and light noise from a hovering device played in the background.

Mortu? I furrowed my brows further as the light finally sank away from blinding to a pulse and the...err…man's I guess face came into focus. His eyes surrounded in pink flesh captivated in concern as he looked at me. Why I didn't understand immieadtly, actually I wasn't even sure where I was, how I got here or…where…where are my brothers? My father?!

Instant panic shot through me as my mind stumbled across these questions forcing me to try to sit up as I looked around ignoring the pain as best I could and finding another dose that hit me half way up. My eyes bulged a bit at what felt like the entire end of a katana hit my ribs and raced up through me ending at the tip of my shell on the left side. It was horrendous to say the least, dizziness consuming my vision.

It wasn't until I felt the metal of mortu's 'hands' grabbing my arms and gently forcing me back down on the bed that I realized I'd started shaking.

"Leonardo! Please you must remain still! Your wounds are very grievous and you must remain still in order for them to heal properly!" he admonished me lightly picking up the apparent cloth that fell and placing it on my head again once I reached the pillow.

"How…the others! Where…are the others?" I suddenly begged, my head was throbbing I didn't understand anything at the moment only that I was alone with Mortu and in pain.

"You're brothers and father are fine, Leonardo. They're alright. We got to you in time, the ship was destroyed but you all made it off. It's alright Leonardo…rest." he was trying to keep me calm for some reason…at least that was good news though. My family was alright. They were safe…we made it off the…wait off the what?

"Ship?" I asked tiredly trying to comprehend everything.

Mortu quirked an eye at me, then gave his head an almost remorseful shake before he began the tale of what had happened. Half way through his words though I began to remember it all and even before he was done I remembered the entire story. Every single detail. Every word, every move, every face, every…betrayal. I remembered.

I was about to beg him to stop when he suddenly did noticing the cold change in my eyes even I could feel. The feeling was like an internal ice that suddenly flowed through me replacing my blood. It was a frightening feeling…yet also a numbing one as well.

"Is the Shredder dead? Are Kari and Chaplin?" I asked, he shook his head at me.

"No, when we saved you, we saved them as well for trail"

I couldn't help the snort and my growl as the memories of my father's scorched body flew into my mind. They could have left them. I told him this…and he looked scarred for a moment regarding me…well they could have! What harm would it have done?

"Leonardo, I understand you're anger…but you must understand that despite what the Shredder has done to you, we are not a war like people. If anything we are peaceful and seek to have justice through trails, witnesses and sound punishments. Not through…"

"He's a murderer what more do you need?" I asked cutting him off a bit, my temper flared that they hadn't left him but instead probably had him on the same ship as my family.

"Yes, but perhaps the others are less guilty than he is. Would it have been fair to let them die as well?"

"Life's not fair." I answered coolly something inside me twitching as more memories proceeded to creep into my mind. I could still hear them even though I was injured on the ship, the first to fall. I could still hear it, I could still hear my baby brother's legs being crushed, I could still hear Donatello's entire collar bone being snapped in half, his knees hitting the ground in defeat; I could still feel Raphael's blood pooling around me a bit as he was thrown by my side, his ribs cracked and arms dislocated. I could still feel the body of my burned father in my arms, apologizing for doing nothing wrong!!

I…I could feel it all.

Mortu was about to respond, but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear about how all life was precious. Even that stinking alien's! He must have took that hint when I turned my head and closed my eyes fighting against the wave of emotions to find a calm place. Somewhere, anywhere I could hide in my self to get off this…this unexplainable pain that quelled my heart.

The sound of a door sliding went unnoticed as another utrom entered, giving Mortu information. Who this being was, I didn't care to look at or even listen to until I heard what they were talking about.

"His wounds are healing, but whether or not he'll survive the trauma from them is something else entirely. His form was already weakened and experiencing the blast at close range to the core with open wounds did nothing to help." He explained sighing a bit in remorse.

Mortu shook his head, lowering his voice. A bitter laugh tried to play on my lips, did they really think as a ninja I wasn't trained to hear them?

"This doesn't make sense. Leonardo suffered piercing as well, his entire…" he trailed off leaving me to wonder

"Yes, but at the same time those were both clean cuts as well as only two. His brother suffered a row of them guiding up his chest and almost piercing a lung from the shredder's armor. His arms were also a liability after being dislocated forcing his heart to work harder to get blood everywhere. He's lucky he didn't go into any kind of cardiac arrest." he spoke solemnly and I could feel my heart thudding inside my chest as I matched up wounds with memories…Raph.

Mortu must have sensed I was picking up on this, because he began to usher to other out of the room, saying something in another language to avoid my ears. Heh. So what? I'll learn it, but if something is wrong with my brother they better tell me!

I can feel my hands gripping the sheet tighter with an unplaced rage, so loose and the target it's focused at is most likely going to get off with a light sentence because the utroms believe in peace. Heh, to bad for him I don't.

The alien's locking onto my gaze as my grip tightens to the point it's hurting now. Man even my hands are bruised.

"Will my brother be alright?" I asked before he could answer

"I'm sorry you had to hear that Leonardo, but you shouldn't worry. Your fathers with him, he's in the best hands now. Get some rest alright?"

He didn't answer me! How dare he not answer me! This isn't about me resting! This is about my family, my brother…my dying, little brother…Raph…

"Will he be alright?" I asked again before he turned to leave, my tone left no room for him to do anything other than answer and my eyes were colder than artic waves as they latched onto him. I would not go unanswered!

Mortu sighed, giving his head a gentle shake and my heart skipped thinking he meant no, but his words were neither. "We don't know yet Leonardo. We weren't even sure with you for awhile, the trauma induced by the sword was sever but in the manner it ha…"

"I know how it happened." I muttered coolly silently berating myself at my tone, but from the way he stared at me he seemed to understand nodding and just changing what he was going to say.

"Raphael's however were more…induced from the pressure put on them from the Shredder's body armor. Had his arm not come down as it did then it might have been different, but with force from below as well as the other wounds…it just turned out another way."

"But…" I protested "I saw him! He, he was up talking with us all before the explosion happened! He…he was alive." I wouldn't let him die! He was up!

"I know, we saw that in the last moments you all were. It was most likely from the adrenaline rush that came in during the half conscious period after the wounds. Which is most likely why you were able to get up as well, the pain was raw and it fueled you to the point you were all acting almost…on autopilot, to the point where your minds weren't even truly comprehending the pain anymore only doing what you had to do. Like an impulse if you will.'

"However these adrenaline fits do have their set backs. They enabled you to go on until when you thought it would be you're last, but once past that stage your bodies collapse throwing you into a post-traumatic stage in which your vital organs and immune system are on the verge of shutting down completely and your body temperature raises to a critical level. All of you suffered so terribly from the fever that we weren't sure if that alone would…"

He trailed off, and I was grateful. Coming that close to death must have been…I squinted my eyes shut briefly. We weren't even sixteen yet, I wasn't even totally sure if Mikey was even fifteen. Don had just recently turned fifteen, I can still remember the look on his face when we threw him the party…he had that same wide eyed, happy expression on his face as he got when he made an invention. It was so childish…so innocent.

"I understand this is hard to take in." He spoke almost like a father coming over to me and placing a metal hand on my shoulder. The metal felt cool against my skin, guess he was right about the fever, normally it would have made me feel clammy but now it just felt nice. "But…you did want to know…"

"Can I see him?" I asked without missing a single beat or letting a second of silence pass between us. He looked unsure and was about to say no, when I begged again, pleading with him. He couldn't keep me from my brother could he? Raph was dying. He…he wouldn't…would he?

"Leonardo…I don't think you…"

"He's my little brother." I responded to the unfinished statement. I didn't expect Mortu to understand…but something told me that he did. He sighed deeply giving his head a now familiar shake and nodding.

"Alright. I'll have someone bring a hover chair and help you…"

"I can walk!" I protested, I didn't want a stranger in the room with me.

He didn't even bat an eye at my protest though before calling in someone on his comlink telling them to bring in a chair to my room. I sighed and he gave a light smile in my direction when he was done.

"Sorry Leonardo, but I don't think you want to lapse back into any trauma. That wouldn't help you're brother at all."

I nodded, biting my tongue as a hovering chair resembling a wheel chair on earth, came humming into the room; an utrom sitting behind it on their own hovering vehicles.

It took ten minutes to get me out of the bed and into the chair. My legs felt like jelly the entire way and the shooting pain returned to the point I was asked if I wanted to go still.

I nodded, trying to fight against the headache that was brewing again as I sat down trying not to show how relieved I was to be off my legs. Again they asked and again I answered.

Raph was…I had too.

To Be Continued…

A/N: This story will probably only be about three chapters at the most. I kinda have some writers block on other stuff. Yeah there a reason Mortu understands Leonardo, but that's not gonna really have a purpose in this story you know. Also as I was writing I kinda think it'd be cool to go more into Leo's angst and where it started. We know it started with him failing and Kari (well that's assumed not so much mentioned) But just another thing that could have caused it. This is gonna be the first multichaptered fic I really attempt in first person so it might take longer for updates.

Well thanks for reading

until next time

take care

Be Blessed

innocent-rebel


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT, chapter titles based on Green Angel property of Alice Hoffman.

A/N: Done from Leo's POV, written for a friend.

Chapter 2: This is what I felt.

Ever since we were children, my brothers had called me fearless, and until I had faced this moment, there were times I believed I was….

That I was simply untouchable by this emotion and that it was something I was beyond in reach. My fingers could never reach towards it, nor its gaping hand to me, both of us were separated…two different beings…worlds apart…then I saw Raphael.

And fear collided into me with more power than I had ever known an emotion to have as I caught my breath with a short gasp at his wounds. Raphael…my brother…my little brother….

He looked dead.

For a split second I blinked looking at his still form, covered in white sheets and multiple bandages visible above his blanketed chest all of them covered in a tint of red…and for a minute I wondered if he wasn't; if I wasn't too late to see him…

The small heart monitors told me I wasn't. That my brother was still with us, still fighting against the monster of death, the black shadow that threatened to steal his breath away. If it were an enemy hovering over his bed I could have fought it, even Sensei may lack speed with me. But this wasn't a person, this wasn't something I could fight with steel and fists. It was just a mist that threatened my brother…how does one fight a shadow?

I didn't know the answer to that…I didn't even know if I could. All I could hope was that Raph knew how, that somehow someway he understood whatever was beckoning to him to stray from it, to run back to us and back to our voices as fast as he could.

But from the way his eyes seemed so shut in peace, his mouth only a seem of neither pain nor peace, I wasn't sure he was fighting.

"C'mon you hothead, don't you dare leave me." I mentally spoke taking his hand in mine and clasping it as tight as I dared. Daring him to challenge me!

In truth maybe I wanted him too, maybe I wanted him to wake up and pick a fight with me…I think the way this one would end however is him in a hug that he wouldn't be getting out of anytime soon. His face though remained unmoved at my touch, he didn't even flinch or try to pull away from my touch. Instead he slept on, his other hand rested at side and his head turned to the left slightly as if avoiding something, avoiding me…perhaps he was avoiding death. Who was I to say what side it approached him from?

Whatever side it came at however, it would need to take me first, I wasn't about to let go any time soon.

"Leonardo…are you alright?" I heard Mortu's voice ask me, surprisingly enough.

It wasn't until I looked up and around that I realized my father was missing. I thought they had said he was here…did something happen to him?

"Where's master Splinter?" I asked quietly answering his question with my own "I thought you said he was here." Had they lied to me?! Pretended that someone was with Raphael in an attempt to get me to rest?! Had I not been holding Raphael's hand, I would have broken the skin of whoever I was, but even in anger, I felt I at least had some control…

He looked away a bit. Had I been right? "Your Father was here, but…we can only have one in here at a time…and he thought it would be better if you saw your brother."

I felt my breath sucking in at that moment. So I had forced Sensei out…and away from Raph…away from the son who really needed him. Yet again…I was the reason, father and Raph were so distant, even in death I had to put distance between them….NO! Raph was not going to die…he couldn't! If he even thought about it…I shook my head a bit making Mortu mistake it for a headache.

When he asked again if I was alright, I didn't answer only turned my attention away and to Raph, thankful that he took that hint and left me with my brother.

"You're really trying to scare me aren't you?" I whispered to him, my arm throbbing as I reached over to cup his face. His skin was now paler than any green I had ever seen. The scary thing was…it wasn't an ugly green like I would have expected to find from his wounds. Instead it looked somewhere between his forest color and the color of new grass in Casey's farm. Had it been a color I'd seen in the park sometime…or from one of Mikey's drawings it would have looked beautiful.

But right now…it just looked deathly beautiful. As if in a matter of minutes my brother had been transformed from rough steel and stone to sheer glass and porcelain. His chest barely rising even as the monitors said it was.

Raphael had never been one to show what was wrong, I just prayed now that those hear monitors did…

I sighed a bit shaking my head again, What was I supposed to say…I didn't have any words and the ones I did felt locked up tight inside my throat burning to get out, yet lacking the power. It didn't seem to matter how many times I opened my mouth to speak all that came out were fragments of words. Was this how Raph felt when I was hurt at Casey's farm? I had heard for days after waking up Mikey poking fun at Raph saying how he really was just a big ol softy who loved his older brother. This would usually end with Mikey screaming for mercy, jumping down the stairs and trying in vain to find a place to hide. I hadn't understood until later just what he was teasing him about, and when I did find out…I thought it best maybe to let it slip. Raph knew I knew though, I could tell he did whenever, up until he helped me forge my new swords he refused to meet my eyes all the way, his cheeks slightly pink at the knowledge I had.

I could try what they had…a memory…but as soon as sound wanted to leave my mouth…I knew almost on instinct that it would sound like a lecture to him driving him further from me.

As the oldest brother, I was supposed to always know what to do in times like these, to never back down from a challenge that threatened my brothers. But at that moment I didn't know what I was supposed to do. As an older brother, as a leader…I should have known right away what to do but instead the icy feeling in my blood seemed to be returning surrounding my throat and drowing out any words, replacing them with only a harsh numb feeling and bleating words against my brain.

"_You were the one who did this to him."_

"_It was because you fell first that he is now like this…"_

"_Your brothers, your father, the ones you swore to protect…are all going to die…because you were the first to fall." _

I knew the voice inside my head was right, beating inside me like a caged animal that suddenly wanted free. I knew that it was right no matter how I spun my head or tried to block them out. Soon I found that the only way I could block them out was to delve into them. Agree with them, it was all my fault…Raph was going to die…because I believed in an enemy more than I believed in family.

I wondered if Raph might have sensed the change because for a moment he seemed to pull more towards the left, his hand suddenly moving in mine. At first I was filled with hope for a moment, and the voice that I was in was drowned out by another emotion, hope seemed to suddenly break through when he moved.

But…watching him more, I realized that this hope was nothing more than a façade, because when Raphael began to move…he didn't stop! Suddenly as if he was no more than rag doll he started jolting around the bed, shivering shaking slamming his already bruised arms into the side.

My eyes were wide with horror as I tried all I could to keep him still grabbing at his shoulders while his legs thrashed even to the point of ripping bruise open and crimson tipped the white sheets.

"Raph!! Raph please! What's wrong, please answer me!" I begged knowing he wouldn't as he twisted more his face now a contort of expressionless pain. I didn't understand what was happening all of a sudden or why. All I heard was the sudden scream of monitors as he thrashed more, my own arms feeling as though they would break from the pain I cursed myself for having.

I could feel tears breaking through the ice as they streamed down my face now at his expression. They way he continued to thrash, buckling up all over and collapsing for a split only to shake more violently when he moved again. I didn't know what was wrong, making it impossible to help. I remembered Mortu saying something about Raph being lucky he hadn't gone into cardiac arrest…was that what he was doing now…?

I didn't know and I didn't get the chance to find out. It felt like hours, but really only thrity seconds had gone by before utroms rushed into the room. I couldn't see what they were doing through blurry eyes as they forced me away ignoring my croaked pleas of begging to stay with him. I would have gotten on my knees and begged if I had been able to move and block out the thrashing sound.

"Leo you must leave! Let the others attend to him." I knew that voice but I didn't want to listen to it as I held onto his hand, pleading with them…it was in that very last moment before I was pulled away that I felt it. I felt my brothers hand reach out and grasp for mine. I knew it wasn't a convulsion that time, I knew my brother knew what he was doing when he reached for me, he was scared I was going to leave him…he was scared he would die all alone with strangers.

He wanted me to stay, it was almost to much to bear feeling myself being taken out of the room, our fingers touching the air in between the tips of the others. He needed me to stay…and once again I failed him...I thought about mouthing I'm sorry, since my voice seemed blistered shut, but I knew that wouldn't be good enough. He was scared, Raph was never scared…he wanted me to stay…he needed someone to tell him it would all be alright…

But hearing the door to his room suddenly shut and finding myself in the hallway, Mortu looking at me in a gaze I refused to meet, I found myself failing to control my sobs. My right hand shielding my bleary eyes from the world to hide the shame I felt at loosing control like this. A leader never lost control. But at that moment I didn't feel like a leader, at that moment I didn't feel anything except the ice blood inside of me, robbing me of my voice and drowning me in pain and loss.

Then it hit me…my little brother was going through this because I wasn't good enough! He was alone with strangers and in pain because the one who was supposed to protect him, fell first.

My little brother was dieing…he would die…because of me. Because of me…he would…he would die…Raph…

To be concluded…

A/N: Well one more chapter to go. I hope you guys liked this chapter as much as the last one. Thank you guys so much for all the nice reviews you gave me. I don't know if you can imagine how much they really mean to me right now. Well thank you for reading.

Until next time

Take Care

Be Blessed

innocent-rebel


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing see previous chapters.

A/N: Done from Leo's POV. Written for someone

Chapter 3: This is who I lost.

My brother was never one who enjoyed too much attention at one time, instead when ever that happened he seemed to curl away from us. Depleting himself of his need for people and company and instead preferring the steel of his blades, and the quietness of his room or night to us.

The ability to breathe in such a manner that he could hear and count his own heart beat. Drawing him closer and closer to his family in mind, and farther from the world he lived in. But now as I watched him, looked at him behind cool glass that separated us…it was almost as if every faint beat of his heart was taking him farther from us. Not bringing him closer.

The grief of loosing a brother was already buried inside me as I leaned forward from the chair a bit, my arm screaming with pain as I lifted it to the glass barrier, pressing into it as if in hopes it would break and the shattering noise would bring my brother back to me. Make him angry that he was aroused and that anger would give him the spark he needed to fully return to us.

Too fully return to me.

I knew I shouldn't have been as cold to Mortu as I was. After all, he was only trying to help me. But every time he insisted I lay down, I return to my own room to rest, I could the voice and the ice blood inside me mixing and tingling together as one. It felt odd to say the least as if the ice had robbed me of the voice I'd once known and the warmth I'd once felt replacing it with waves of a voice I'd never heard. The voice of condemnation for myself seeming to become my own, the hissing now no longer present, I could hear what the voice really was.

"_He will die Leonardo!"_

"_You could have saved him!"_

"_You trusted her, you trusted her more than your own brother!...He fell for you Leonardo, he gave everything to defend you…to the enemy you let kill him." _

The voice over a matter of hours had become my own. And in those hours I had become something different, even Mortu who refused to leave my side, insisting I needed rest, that hurting myself would not help my brother, could tell.

He didn't understand though, that nothing, not their technology not their efforts. Nothing they did would help him. He needed me to stay, his ice brother. He needed me to be here for him, just one more time, as close as I could get telling him even though I didn't believe it. That it would all be alright. I needed to tell him, before I myself quit believing it at all, before the ice swarmed through me and touched my heart. The only part of me that was still warm.

But I could feel it, the ice blood, the voice and the shadows of the lives we lived. Suddenly they were coming for me, becoming a part of me…but until Raphael felt I would be there for him, even if it was his last breath. I held it at bay, refusing to give it my heart just yet.

Hours had gone by since the incident, almost turning into a full day by the time they brought him back out of the chamber he was in. Where the air was cleaner and they could monitor him more as he laid suspended in air, circles of light tracing around him. Pulsating over him trying to maintain his breath, his heart, his will however…may have already left him.

"You're brother is fine, Leonardo." Mortu said squeezing my shoulder that was uninjured as lightly as he could. "He will recover…he wouldn't have gone through all that just to give up."

I didn't answer. How I could I? What I could I say that would sound even remotely like me as ice turned hot in my throat searing it shut in the pains of loss? "May I see him again?" I asked quietly, I answered things it seemed now with questions of my own.

Mortu shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not Leonardo, you need your rest just as your brother needs his. You wont help anyone if you make yourself ill." he tried to reason and I knew he was right. Well logically he was right, telling me I needed rest, but what if I didn't take it?

He couldn't make me rest. He could make me lie down, he could take me from the hallways, from the side of my brother. But he couldn't make me rest, he couldn't battle the ice inside me, nor death that threatened my brother, nor the worry that plagued my mind and the defeat that already made residence there. He could do nothing but watch helplessly as it took over.

I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts, not me. I wouldn't rest…I wouldn't rest…

"I'll rest when…I'll rest later." I responded in my new voice the one that was claimed by ice and shadows and bathed in condemnation. When later was I didn't really know, and that moment I didn't care. All I cared about was seeing him one last time.

"Leonardo." he began with a sigh placing a hand on my shoulder again. I noticed with interest that he never touched my left one. "Your brother is fine. You will do more harm if…"

"I can't let him die with strangers." I answered my old voice making itself known for a moment then drifting away.

He shook his head…and I pleaded. My eyes were still swollen from the sobs I cursed myself for letting get out of control, but I begged they shown more than just a defeated warrior. I pleaded that they shown the need of a brother, no matter how distant to just be with his younger one…just to assure him one more time that the monsters he feared might be kept at bay.

Finally he nodded as my voice fell. "Alright…but…only for a little while Leonardo. Only for a little while." He spoke sternly on that part and I nodded. I only needed a little bit of time to be with him, I only needed to hold his hand and tell him one more time that it would all be ok. That no matter what…he would never be forgotten.

X

The trip took less this time, due to the fact I was already in chair and his room was closer, a small window in his room radiating a bit of light from the solar system we were now in. As if the light was his family gently caressing against his face, illuminating the peace that seemed to reign on it. The scary thing was…it looked no different than when I last entered, taking his hand in mine again I cringed for a moment, expecting him to begin jolting again at my touch.

He did move a bit though at my touch and I held my breath gripping as tight as I dared, but it was only one movement before he settled back down his face still to the left. His skin felt so much warmer to me than it had before, before I couldn't even notice a difference between us but now…his skin felt like it was melting my hand when I touched it. If Mortu was still hear I could have asked him, but looking around I saw another monitor and figured it out myself, because of the convulsions, his fever had shot up. It was either that…or the ice inside me…had finally penetrated through my skin. Entwining and becoming more of a part of me than I could have imagined.

Reaching over to cup his face once again, I ran a finger along his face, his frighteningly pale face. The one that seemed trapped in the color of death and beauty, trying to take some beads of sweat away to help him.

Again he moved and again I held my breath. But once again he didn't jolt, he didn't twist in pain, instead he moved slowly then not at all.

"C'mon Raph…please wake up." I begged in a near whisper the only tone of voice my old one seemed to be able to become present in.

He shifted again at the sound of my voice, and I stroked his face a bit more, biting my lip, begging for him to wake up. Mentally telling him it would all be alright, that no matter what I was here…I wouldn't leave.

He stirred more as I turned his face towards me just a bit, squeezing his hand in as hope stemmed inside me, putting up a barricade to my heart before the ice could seize it. Furrowing his brow a bit as I pressed on, speaking to him in a whisper to keep my old tone of voice, I could feel his heart beating with mine.

For a moment he stopped furrowing, he stopped moving near completely and the ice made a small pin sized hole in my hope, beginning to try and crawl in. His eyes however became the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen as they fluttered open, his face towards me and bleary, tired eyes taking me in.

His voice was too weak, but I could tell he mouthed my name in a question, too tired too really focus.

When I first saw him, I imagined this would end in a hug he would never get out of. Instead though I found myself nodding and smiling the first and last real smile I felt I would for a long time; Small tears tracing my eyes and landing on his hand only to disappear, almost as if I was crying the ice inside of me.

I had never felt this before, torn between two emotions. One of joy, the other of grief as the ice tipped through me. Invading past what I tried to block.

"Shhh…don't talk alright?" I said quietly stroking his forehead as he tried to speak again, his voice a hollow creaking noise. "You're going to be alright Raph…you're going to be alright."

Raphael looked up at me again, small circles around his eyes, it never ceased to amaze me how one could spend hours asleep and yet never be rested. "Ya…right eo?" his voice cracked. I shook my head with a sigh, he had nearly died and he was asking if I was alright.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine Raph, I'm fine…but don't you ever scare me like that again!" I ordered expecting him to laugh and tell me that was his job, like he always did after things like this happened.

Instead he held my gaze in his. My troubled blue eyes, to his sunken brown ones "Ya…ook different…"

"That's just your fever Raph. I still look the same."

He shook his head… "No…ya don't…ya…barely look…like…yourself." he managed every word out barely flinching as I chided him gently about talking when he was so ill.

"I'm not different Raph. It's just your fever." I said again squeezing his hand, but he was right…I was different changing somehow. I just didn't know anyone could see it.

"The…ice… cold." he murmured. I blinked, what? He repeated it again, saying the ice they had placed on his forehead.

I shook my head at that. "That's just my hand Raph."

He nodded, his eyes falling shut much to my dismay, but I understood. He was still in pain. He was still tired. "Feels…nice." Raphael murmured again his voice dropping quickly into the wave and blanket of sleep.

I nodded, not sure what else to say or do…he was so tired and suddenly I became aware that I was too. My own eyes began fighting to stay open as I held his hand.

"You rest ok bro? You've been through a lot…"

Raph didn't even nod before agreeing, his voice slurring as he tried to speak against the hoarseness, I would need to make sure he had water next time he woke up. "Thanks…"

"For what?" I was a bit shocked at first. I hadn't done anything to be thanked for, I got him in that situation, but as long as I whispered. I was me again. Who was filled with blood instead of ice; who had hope instead of despair. The one who could still feel love instead of loss and shared the fever and joy with his brother.

"Being…here…" the last word barely slipped out before his eyes shut fully, his head rested now to the right, and peace reigning on his expression again.

I nodded. "I'm not going anywhere Raph. I promise." And I meant it. That was one promise at least I thought I could keep.

But the more I sat there, holding his hand, telling him it would all be alright though now he knew, the more I felt sleep extending over me, the need for it. And the more I raged against it…I'd already let him down so much, I couldn't fall asleep and leave him alone.

I needed to stay awake, I needed something to keep me awake…and I knew what that something was. For the first time since this day began. I found myself reaching inside myself, grasping onto the ice through the waves and sinking into them, listening to the voice like a lullaby. Lifting the barriers inside myself that I had set to keep the ice out of my heart…instead to keep awake, to make sure I would be there for him, for all of them.

I let the ice flow into me, surrounding my heart until it formed a vine of ice and thorns. I could feel the sharpest thorn reach forward and prick my heart. Its barrier gone as the numbness flowed in, consuming the warmth of my heart, making it brittle and cold to protect them.

The ice…the vines, thorns and shadows, surrounded me…and in an instant.

We became one.

The End.

A/N: Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed the final chapter of Broken.Thank you so much for all your time, and for reading. It really made a difference and really made me feel like I accomplished something. Thank you for your support.

take care

be blessed

innocent-rebel


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